Rage & Nostalgia... (￣ε￣＠)

4/2/24

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slamma paggy.. I’m having such a good week so far!! (՞ټ՞☝︎

Sunday night I watched Spirited Away with my friend (i hadn’t seen it in 10 years). I’m very strange about planning hangouts with friends, because i TRULY EARNESTLY love hanging out with friends!! But I guess I get sort of anxious or something in my ADHDtism head says that it’ll be more fun to fixate or work on things I love. (That’s fun, but they get super tedious and lonely after a while, right?)

Even stranger is that I get SOOO sad when a friend lightly denies or cancels a plan.. but there’s always a twinge of relief too that I didn't have to go through the hustle and bustle of going through with plans? AH whatever.. enough of my anticipation anxiety, it was fun!! I always end up having fun after all.. ⁽⁽٩(๑˃̶͈̀ ᗨ ˂̶͈́)۶⁾⁾

Today I did some stretches and tried to stay as active as I can with a disability that keeps me weak and housebound.. ( ´-ω- ) It was still fun though. And then I was watching TV with my sister and she’d randomly swing herself into the couch and yell “i love YOU!”.. so we kept doing that back and forth while laughing hysterically. We played and cuddled a lot today, young kids are hard work but she’s really too adorable. ( ⌯᷄ ·̫ ⌯᷅ก )

When I was done working, I really wanted to draw.. I’d been itching too since last night. So I opened Pinterest (a curse and a blessing..) to go see the boards I get my inspiration from… and ohhhh ohhhh ohhhhhhh UGHHHH.

RANT WARNING … ใ(^▽^ )ว ใ(^▽^ )ว ♬♬♪♪

I don’t even know why I use Pinterest anymore. (-᷅_-᷄) Maybe since I don’t have another option. (I like are.na, but you have to pay for all the features.. lame!) I kept seeing reposted art from this teenager online who only draws cute but offensive and reactionary things, and stays in the company of only altright, or otherwise dangerous people. I won’t name them, but if you can think of basically everything that would make you NEVER want to speak to someone, she’d fall beneath it. I hope she can get the help she clearly needs.. but I hate to see accounts ALL THE TIME reposting her work! just quit it!!

Ironically I’m a pretty big believer in separating art from their bad roots, or to consume media critically.. but.. DAMN!! Don’t you think that loses any sentiment when you’re posting suggestive art of kids that someone who likes KIDS drew?!!? (ꐦ°᷄罒°᷅) YOU’RE NUTS!!!

I ended up just getting frustrated, because they have a roughly better grasp of anatomy than I do.. usually I’m impressed when people younger than me excel at art (like dj?! PICASSOO!!! LOVE IT!!!), but since the artist i mentioned is an awful person I just feel so grumpy. >_> Another thing — she sensationalizes nostalgia, early internet, culture from then… that she was definitely not ‘around’ for. Which would be fine, if not for the.terrible things she attributes it with.

Some people think it’s obnoxious to use a lot of nostalgia in your works, but I find all forms of it charming so long as they’re accurate.. I surround myself with those elements every day of my life because they make me feel nice.. (^３^) But there’s something I REALLY can’t stand — and it’s associating the early internet with things like that. Totally illegal or just plain horrible imagery and messages.

It definitely was NOT a good time in the early Internet.. ( ･᷄ὢ･᷅ ) My first traumas I gained from DSiTube, Cats Paw Island, Habbo… but the internet has always been both a lovely place and hostile.. it contains multitudes!! But, many people, when they try to stay faithful to the old Internet, just slap all the harmful offensive slop they want onto it.. why? Why are you using your perception of a long passed time as your vessel for hatred?

It reminds me, one time on Spacehey someone made a blog entry that was like “hey, kids! This is what the EARLY Internet is all about..” and then she just posted a ton of graphics with offensive jokes or slurs… and all the comments were young teens going “this is actually really funny and cool! i’ll use these!”

Both people in that situation made me so mad. (-᷅_-᷄) That’s why I left Spacehey too, I think socials just aren’t for me. It’s impossible to escape the nonsense…

ANYWAYS… on one hand, I believe people can consume whatever media they like, so long as they are critical and don’t subscribe to any terrible beliefs they’re upholding.. or, if they’re supporting something harmful (Like for example, being ‘proud’ about being attracted to kids or animals, or buying things from a bigoted creator, or otherwise supporting something that directly goes toward a horrible cause). Media literacy is important but you shouldn’t be so ignorant either.. have some compassion.

AAAANNNYYYWAAAAYS! My rant is over for real.  

THIS.. well, it bothers me a lot. But what can I do? No one will listen to me.. that’s not a negative statement! It’s just that I can’t tell anyone to do, so why get worked up? (｡ìдí｡)ﾉ

So, ah.. just close the tab.. walk away.. curate my own safe space.. yeah! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و Some may say I’m overly sensitive for it, and yeah, so what? I’ll sit in my nice little bubble  .. nothing shameful about keepin yourself happy! Just make sure you're not isolating yourself! ∑d(°∀°d) Some might say people like me aren't ready for the internet but I've been here over half of my life and have seen some very scary things and been involved with very scary people. I mean veeeery scary.. Meh. I dislike when people think compassion or sensitivity is a weakness. No one wants to be around someone terrible after all. So if there's drama, I wanna stay out of it unless absolutely rightfully needs to involve me... And I was talking about people sensationalizing old Internet nostalgia -- I think I'm guilty of that too!! But I try not to go the route of 'things you see when you Google search webcore' (; ^ヮ^) ... I've actually always had the idea for Aioi in my head, since I was younger.. I tried to make my first website, but I wasn't sure HOW to communicate my ideas aside from having a screen like the DS home menu, and aliased text. But it never came to fruition... ten years later, look at me, I can actually do it!! ＼(＾▽＾)／ So, I fill it with all the aesthetics I liked in my youth, all the things that make me feel safe and comfortable, the graphic design choices that were lost to time, the novelty of the Internet.. I LOVE it!! More specifically, I love when Wi-Fi was a novelty for Nintendo systems.. WHAT A REFRESHING ERA!! We really thought we were in the future.. I think we always will no matter where our affairs lead us, but that's always what makes it so charming when you look back on it.. the thrill, the novelty, the excitement..

Anyways, why don't we ever do things like the Pokemon Wi-Fi plaza anymore or Check Mii Out or the Wii Vote channel anymore.. ヾ(`ヘ´)ﾉﾞ You can still do it. You have the capacity to do that.. and even MORE!! I miss.. i miss it all.. buaaah. That's why I love my site so much. It's so ... me... it's perfect. I never thought I was ever good at coding (I still struggle, what with ADHDtism and never actually learning code), but here I am! I really didn't study it at all.. I picked it up over time, like a language when you live somewhere long enough.. and if I don't know something, I look it up! Crazy stuff..

anyways I'm really burnt out because I just watched an hour long video on one of my super ultra mega hyper ultra fixations (sesame street), and I just had such a massive surge of incoming information that I feel so tired.. it was great but I need to unwind now. Thanks for reading! I always like to read your commeenntss... (*ﾉ∀`*)

Closing thought: I wanna be a wildlife educator or something at a museum when I'm not so disabled. maybe lets talk about that next time..
 
(Oh, second closing thought: I just searched 'webcore' on DuckDuckGo out of curiosity. I went 'HOLY....... ok (￣ε￣;; )'what do they even base it on..? lets talk about that NEXT next time!)

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