something about us... 
1/12/25
selamat pagiii… i’m really cozy on the couch right now with my sister under her warm squishmallow blanket, so, really, do i even feel the need to blog..? not really.. Oh yeah, and we started watching the Lion King, so I extra don’t feel like it.. ʅ(°▾｡)ʃ
( ･᷄֊･᷅ ) In a little over a week now, I’m flying on my own for the first time.. so I’m kind of really super nervous! Oh my gosh! I’m going all the way to Florida from here in California, to see my friend and Mio’s boyfriend! I’m excited but also super scared! Sometimes I regret even getting tickets, but I feel a bit of catharsis about the fact that I’m taking such a big step. I struggle a lot with not really ever doing much fun or independent because of disability.. so it’s big!! It’ll be exciting and new, I’ll learn a lot, no matter how scary it could be.. And I heard that when something huge happens to someone, losing a leg, winning the lottery, having a loved one die.. it usually takes them about a year to get back to their base state, or at least very close to normal… so it’ll definitely be OK!
I still feel really anxious about it sometimes, but I know I’ll be alright in the end. ヽ(‘ ∇‘ )ノ
I guess lately, I’m thinking about love and stuff? Well, I don’t know—rather, love as it extends to everyone. Like friends and family, too. ( ◠‿◠ ) I love a lot of people, and I love them a ton.. so it feels nice. I guess though I was thinking about ‘romance’, but, I see it a bit differently, in a sort of way. I want to be able to have people in my life who are close friends, but we can also do ‘romantic’ stuff without being exclusive or girlfriends or something. Which is kind of strange, cause I consider myself monogamous. (or rather, i’m not poly…) ╮(︶﹏︶"")╭ In a nice world, I guess, I could have some friends that I can snuggle and kiss and be intimate with, and I value them just as much as I would a girlfriend. Because all sorts of relationships rely on a degree of trust and communication! I do already have friends I will absolutely tackle and hug and kiss Ponyo-style. I love hugs and kisses (so long as everyone's cool with it)!
So I guess it’s like queerbaiting yuri shows, except we’re both happy and fine with it, and it’s inherently queer anyhow even if we aren’t girlfriends. ( •̑◡̶͂•̑ )
This part is kind of NSFW, but not really, incase you don’t want to see: Like, sexo, right? I kind of always think I’m a little on the aroace spectrum, it’s hard to explain.. I’m a little repulsed by the culture of being with strangers and such. That’s not to say it’s scandalous or dirty! I just don’t like to think about it… e_e But, anyways, I wouldn’t mind doing it with someone I’m not dating so long as I trust and like them a lot.. because it doesn’t feel right either to treat it as this sacred, dirty, SUPER important, romantic thing!!! In some indigenous american cultures, people just do it among friends as play or exploration!!! And like, doesn’t that sound nice.?! It’s like tickling but with actual consent and hopefully no terror!!! AND HEY ON THAT NOTE I HATE BEING TICKLED!! UGH! ( ¯-¯ )
I guess not relying on labels can make you a little freer, but also closer to the people you value. And you don’t need to automatically uphold your friends over a romantic partner, or romantic partner over friends, or whatever… Shouldn’t all people you love be important? Shouldn't they all be a big responsibility? :(il|◦.◦): I dunno.. There’s been a lot of times in my life where I’ve had a friend that it sounds nice to hold hands and go on dates and be intimate.. But then they go “so, it sounds like you want to just date and be exclusive? let’s do it, it's clear you're into me!” And it’s like… that’s the way that’s socially acceptable.. so I guess that’s fine.. haha.. (°~°) but then I end up kind of unhappy, since our entire dynamic changes, and it feels less like we’re friends. I don’t think ‘girlfriends’ is more than ‘friends’, I guess. I think each dynamic should just go naturally rather than something predetermined… There's an incorrect assumption about anything that isn't 'normal' traditional two romantic lovers, that it's something nasty or dirty..but that's just mean
Is that why people worry a lot that talking about their feelings will ruin things between two people? ( Ꙩ_ ꙩ)??? That shouldn’t be the way! There’s this idea that if you confess to someone that you want more out of your relationship that everything from that point on will be different, whether they say ‘yes’ or ‘no’… (´ω`っ ) And if you seek out a different label, (like QPP or even nothing at all), there’s this idea that ‘ah, it’s a pretty big responsibility…’. But any bond shared by love is a BIG responsibility so long as you both trust and like each other. So anyone at all, friends or family or anything else.
Anyway, those are my thoughts for tha day.. UʘᴥʘU Have a nice day.. And please wish good luck for my upcoming trip!
Currently listening to: Oh i juuust cant waaaiiiit to be kiiiiing!
Current mood: Pocci.
