Something About Digging in My Organs..

6/6/24

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(UPDATE, THE ACTUAL, CURRENT DAY ONE — AHHH!!! I forgot to post it! and then I had to go to the ER yesterday.. well hey here it is. Whatever! Now, the update below us? well.. she's a little dated.. don't tell her, okay? It's our secret!)

(UPDATE — wow, I’m bringing you this 2 weeks after the fact… Sorry about that! I was really tired, I still am. Thanks for being patient. I’m safe, healthy, and going OK as of posting this.)

 

selamat pagi.. Apologies for not getting around to updating you in a timely manner, it’s honestly been really painful to use my computer, so I’ve just been resting. ( ´-ω- ) I’m healthy and safe, so that’s what matters. but I’m not in a position where I can be worrying about things on my computer so much. I’m also just not in a very good mood — i think i’m actually somewhat depressed if that explains anything.

The diagnostic surgery didn’t have any complications as far as I’m aware. I had a good experience as usual.. the nurses are always kind to me and understanding and that’s usually something I look forward to. My attendant this time was this really nice but sort of shy and neurotic lady who kind of reminded me of the counselor from Nichijou? She was super nice and then asked me if I had been around for a procedure lately (a scope last Christmas) and we were like!! wow! i know you! (,,･`∀･) then I felt a pit of dread in my stomach, because I recognized her as the nurse who failed like 8 times to put an IV in my hand. (c" ತ,_ತ) That poor thing..

( ´ඉ_ඉ` ) So I got in my gown, and was just sitting there in bed with the little hot pack they give you and some blankets on me.. dreading the imminent. A bunch of people were fussing over me. Somehow this is a universal truth, but don’t most anesthesiologists look scary?! I dunno. I’ve had a lot of procedures and been moved around a lot of different places, but those guys always look pretty scary somehow. This one was no different… And he was looming over the bed… but he was actually pretty polite. I spoke to a lot of doctors.. and then it was time for the IV. THANK CHRIST ALIVE MY NURSE GOT A MORE EXPERIENCED WOMAN TO PUT IT IN!!!! I was way calmer then.

So there was my nurse, there was the IV lady.. and three nurses all around me. The IV lady lifted my pack and they all went “aww, your hands are so little!!”.. (˶ㅇᗜㅇ˶) ⑉♥

I mean I don’t think they’re that tiny… whatever they stroked my ego anyhow! The IV hurt a ton but I was being encouraged the whole time.. awesome! Honestly the ride to the surgical rooms is always so fun.. if not a little ominous. (ᐡ т ̫ т ᐡ) Everything is so big, and dark, and loud… the wheels of my bed sound like distant thunder going down the hallway. I wasn’t afraid or upset, though. It’s hard to be when there’s a ‘IT’S GONNA BE MAY!’ impact font meme still plastered on the wall. (ノ∀`)

Everyone took really good care of me.. the surgical room was really friendly feeling despite being so big and bright and cold.  | ＾∀＾)ﾉ One of the surgical assistants was like “Ok, there’s gonna be some people in here; but they’re on their way out! They won’t be in the surgery room..” and then when I saw them she went “THEY’RE SO UNIMPORTANT they don’t even get an introduction.. no worries.. ^_^”.

Medical machines are so interesting these days.. they looked so analog and industrial growing up, now everything looks super shiny and space age. After my ultrasound a few weeks before this, I was sopping with slime and pathetic, but even though I was supposed to be getting dressed and leaving, I was just staring in awe at the ultrasound machine… it had a glowing keyboard and a round glowing mouse, it was so beautiful! I remember specifically that they were machines from a company called Stryker, and the one next to me was called Neptune 3 from them.. I don't know why, but I hammered it into my head — like, I can’t forget this!! (╬☉д⊙) And I didn’t.

Anyways, I just remembered… (¬_¬) I get that it’s to make you feel more comfortable, but they always play the cringiest music in the operating room… that song from like ten years ago that goes “I WANNA RUN AWAY!!!!” and it’s super high pitched?! It was playing while they set up the IV and everything… and I was like… “Haha.. seriously… this is the kind of music you’re gonna cut me open to…” ( ⌯᷄ ·̫ ⌯᷅ก )

I kind of prefer getting anesthesia through the mask, though, where they have you inhale it (though I think they only do that for things they need you partially awake for)… because I think it’s kind of cool, the sound of your own breath in your ears and everything gets less distinct and your thoughts slowly become YTP gibberish… but, they did it through the IV — so I was just awake and then I wasn’t suddenly.  ＝◯)`ν゜)･；’ . I don’t remember that at all…

When I woke up, I was shaking super bad… like, I couldn’t stop!

( ₍₍ (ง`罒҂)ว)`з°)ھ and somewhere here, me and Mio are struggling for front — she was calling for her boyfriend… )

A nurse was like “Hiii.. how are you feeling?”

“I can’t stttoooopp shaaakkiingg (°ω｡)و”

“…yeah!”

I don’t remember pain then… I must’ve been doped up on narcotics. (๑´ω`๑) But anyways, usually I’m told everything I need to know and allowed to stay for as long as I need to to recuperate, and they give me juice or something. Not this time… my surgeon wasn’t even around, and no one told me what the result was. After all, it was a diagnostic surgery… so you’re really hoping to hear it as soon as possible. But I was plopped in a wheelchair and taken out to the front of the building and my mom picked me up… REAL cozy in there by the way, I had a neck pillow and one for my stomach (God forbid you put that seatbelt over your fresh incision wounds! JUST DON’T!!!!!!). I still really wanted to know what the result was…

(›´-`‹ ) You know, obviously it’s a diagnostic surgery and having it be positive will be lifechanging because you can start to get the help you need. I’m pretty positive already the beast in question is endometriosis, I have lots of cysts and even free fluid they saw on the ultrasound, and all of the same symptoms… So I ask mom what they saw right away, so I can hurry up and get better..

“They didn’t find anything.. everything looked normal.”

( •︠ˍ•︡ )

Now, obviously no one wants to be injured or sick, but when you have a chronic invisible illness and injuries, that's kind of all you can count on. For someone to SEE something wrong. And I was pretty certain that I have someone just looked at the surface of my organs, if not on the inside, they’d see the pain somewhere else. But I guess not? They want more endoscopies done… I DON’T WANT THOSE. DAMN!

Anyways… because I was so high and pathetic like a sopping wet cat, I think this must've been really miserable for both of us. Because I was like “ah.. I thought I was going to feel better..” “I know..”

And then when she helped me back to my room I was like “I don’t wanna be sick anymore…” and she’s like “I know..”

Well anyhow. On account of being cut open, I was so tired, so I slept most of the day. That night I think I just had some toast and tea. NOW FORGET THE SAD TONE FOR A MOMENT!!!! I have to shill my favorite tea….

( ´-ω- ) So it’s Numi’s turmeric amber sun blend, and I add an unholy amount of vanilla oat milk and some honey and cinnamon. It makes everything alright… I drink it a lot when I feel bad… ANYWHO! t'was a splendid meal. I had my favorite tea and lots of applesauce and honeydrops that entire week. My mom managed to get the entire week off, so I hung out in bed rather than working.. (ᐡ⸝⸝- -⸝⸝ᐡ) I work as much as I can, anyways — I’m obviously very sick and weak so I just watch my 2 yr old sister everyday (who I just stop writing this to hug because she asked for one just now).. for no pay. I guess it’s not anything like customer service or a lot of physical labor, but it’s hard work!! You should have a lot of respect for childcare workers, especially people who have to work in classrooms and stuff…

Umm.. So, I think my recovery went pretty well! I was super depressed, I cried a ton and slept a ton (it being inconclusive was kind of.. season-ruining ( ⌯᷄ ·̫ ⌯᷅ก )).. but ironically I had less post-op traumatic stress than I usually do! I think it must be because it was full amnesia, as opposed to the ones where I’m “partially awake”. I don't even remember those operations, but sometimes I’d have dreams about having the same tubes and scopes down my throat and the sensation of gagging when it came out. Yuk…

But anyways, usually I’m a lot more traumatized?! So I was surprised!! Even though they stabbed me and poked around at my organs.. ϵ(ò⥐ó)ͽ The only traumatic part was all that effort just for it to be inconclusive. But listen… usually I don't even want to talk to anyone after procedures and everything feels hazy and weird, I feel like I experienced something that no human has ever been through before.. I totally thought that surgery would be twice of that, but since I was fully knocked out; I guess not? COOL… I could use the easier load on my mental health yeah?

MLEHHH.. Anyways, another good part about recovery… I got those clear Ensure surgery drinks and they were SOOOO YUMMYYYYYY!!!!!!!! 

yeah look I dunno. It was blueberry pomegranate and it was lifechanging. Anyways. DIDN’T THAT SUCK?! ꉂꉂ(´>Д<｀)ʬʬʬʬʬʬ Such is life as a spoonie.. I hope if you're reading this you don't feel compelled to apologize or pity me or something — I blog for me and not because I require your support or anything.. If people pitied me for every bad thing that happened to my health, well I’d be pretty dang exhausted. So it’s okay! I mean — it’s kinda not ok, but that’s what therapy is for. (#´ᗜ`#) NOT YOU!!!!!!!!! i kid. I hate pushing the weight of my problems on other people who feel compelled to respond just because they know about it. But look! I’m totally fine because I have a website where i can blog whatever I want. And that’s pretty dang great… SO LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!! i kid..

 

see you don’t have to pity me or apologize, just send me like, $8000000 usd, or a bunch of LPS, or something. - ̗̀ ( ˶'ᵕ'˶) ̖́- Yeah, that’ll definitely fund the Yuuko health fund.

anyways, that's what happened after surgery! Again I'm not writing this out of obligation or something, I just like to talk a lot about things that happened to me.. So don't worry! You really don't have to say anything about it unless you want to.. i am used to such things muahaha.

Now I think I'm gonna have a cup of vanilla oat milk… so long friends (๑- ༥ -๑ ) …

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