Triplicate Quackery

9/4/24

SELAMAT PAGIII!! Look, it's another blog post.. I've been feeling really motivated to code and stuff lately, and also study.. it just feels so easy! (ノ*°▽°*) I'm sure this has nothing to do with the fact that my ADHD meds went up lolol.

So like, listen.. it's been kind of an intimate week blog-wise, right? I mean.. not really for me.   I don't really mind being vulnerable.. So it's not really a big deal for me! But since we're at it, I thought I should share ONE LAST super-duper important thing to me.. until next time it feels appropriate, I guess? 

You guys know I have DID (dissociative identity disorder), right? ( ´ ω ` ) It came up in my early youth due to unfortunate circumstances, and this past year or so I've finally gotten psychiatric help for it AND I've started to become overt in presenting it! It's a tough thing to hide away!  It was super stressful.. but my quality of life skyrocketed afterward! I feel so much more open with family, friends, and doctors.. I feel I have nothing to hide anymore. It's such a liberating and nice feeling.. DID isn't always nice (the amnesia, dysphoria, having to pretend to be someone else..), but when you have a steady support system, it's pretty decent. It's just life, as far as I'm concerned. Not a special gift, but not an issue that needs to be cured, either.

Long ago (anonymous.. lol) people online would accuse me of faking, I guess because it's been ‘popular’ in recent years (Maybe mental health info is just becoming more accessible? Awareness is working? More resources = more people realizing they need help!). I don't really care about that though. Words like that don't mean anything to me, not when I'm fortunate enough to have a caring family, supportive friends, and a freakin' awesome therapist who all treat us like separate individuals. (o˘◡˘o) It wasn't easy to get here, but, y'know.. We're in good hands, so it's okay! That's like telling a blind person they're faking being blind. Sure, some terrible people do that – but do you really think that that person cares if you don't believe in their personal disability? That's just their perception of life.. and your words don't really alter it at all.

ANYWAY! SPEAKING OF ‘ALTER’.. LET'S TALK ABOUT IT!!

I wrote an obscenely long blog post a while ago just ‘addressing’ and detailing all of my experiences with DID.. why I'm like this, etc. but it was.. so long.. and still didn't feel complete. e_e" 

I just sat on it for a bit, but then I realized.. “Well, this is something I want to talk more about, but I'm actually not obligated to give everyone such a huge description. I can probably say it in a shorter way, without so many sensitive details…”. And, yeah. So I wrote this! It feels a lot less clinical and a lot more like ‘Here’s how it is! ╭( ･ㅂ･)و' .. for my peace of mind, and for YOUR knowledge!

If we're super close friends, you probably know the rest of the Sucharaka Trio. In DID terms, I am the one who usually controls the body, so I'm a ‘host’. There's two other girls I host with! Mimi and Josie. We are kind of.. a complete trifecta. (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ Funny enough, when us 3 became the hosts, it was then I realized that this is the best I've performed as a human being. It's just.. REALLY efficient, REALLY structured! We all play a part, we all make up the integrity of our brain. DID is a mental illness associated with severe trauma, so, of course a broken brain would need some extra help to perform, right?

I don't know how to help make this easier to understand, so I'll just show you our Tomolife Island. i typed that in 40 minutes ago and didnt find a single normal image
 

(the context is.. ER room visit!)

so.. yes! Josie, Pocchi, Mimi, in that order. I have a UFO on my head.. Sucharaka, I think, has a knack for being endearingly abnormal. at least, I'd say so? My therapist would bluntly say (endearingly) ‘very neurodivergent’. We're kind of a simple bunch if you get used to us, I'd like to think? We've been hosting together consistently for almost two years now, isn't that great!? ∑d(°∀°d)

The left-most goober is Josie .. she's chronologically the newest, I think, but she's very very wise.. She ended up radicalizing us, lolol.. She talks a lot about stuff like archaeology, decolonialism, religion, queer ecology, and relationship anarchy – sometimes it confuses people. But I'd boil down her ideas into.. “thog don't caare”. She doesn't talk much verbally at all, but she writes up a storm.. She's very strange but also easygoing and calm.. and she's awesome! My favorite memory with her is being on vacation and she dragged us to a weird art exhibit underground at Balboa park.. it was SCARY but SO COOL!! Recently we went to the Cannibalism Museum together.

The middle one? That's… that's me. I think you know me well enough..  I'd like to hope so. I'm the oldest one in the system (2004 baby!). The ‘core’ or ‘original’, you might say? But I don't really believe in that.. I stopped being around for a super long time around early 2015, which is called ‘dormancy’. So.. YEAH.. Um. I don't have anything else to say. You probably know me as Pocchi, but I also go by Serval or Summer! 

The one on the right with the blue hair is Amai (or.. Mimi!). I call her Mimi a lot, but if you ever meet her, you'd better call her Amai or I fear what the outcome will be. (⌒_⌒;) Amai is really sweet and creative, she's also the one who holds a lot of the bad memories in our head.. so I have a TON of respect for her. She's a powerful girl and she's been through a lot! We think she first split 8-9 years ago.. she has a boyfriend named Mari, who also happens to be a really good buddy of mine! We're going to fly out to see him pretty soon, I'm excited.. CAN'T WAIT. GONNA PLAY AT THE COIN MACHINES GONNA SEE ANIMALS 

(Mari's, uh.. funny face...)

Anyways. You're probably wondering what the deal with Nichijou is? (￣▽￣ ;)ゞ No one has ever asked us about that BUT I FEEL very self-conscious about it! So a little fact about us is that.. Amai and Josie TOTALLY HATED EACH OTHER when they first met, and they barely tolerated me! Amai was super prickly and explosive, and Josie was cold and reserved. And I was a lonely extrovert. I had recently rekindled my hyperfixation in Nichijou, and was kind of bummed and struggling at that point in our life. I was just as UNHEALTHILY OBSESSED with Nichijou as I was when I was a kid.. and I projected this onto them!! (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و I was pretty positive it would work if I went; “Guys, if you can watch this, we'll all get along! See, we can have a friendship like this one!”. 
 

They didn't give a single damn. ( ͡ ' ˍゝ͡ ' ) (they still don't really mind the show..)
 

It genuinely took months of sort of ‘training’ Amai not to insult me, or make violent jokes, or blow up at something minor. I remember being super excited having the opportunity to get closer to her.. which is weird to think about, we're so tight-knit these days. (she still gets annoyed with me though. DAMN!!)

And unsurprisingly, Josie benefited from not being instigated or forced to talk.. she was a lot slower to make friends with, though. I guess as everyone became more tolerant with each other (and more willing to humor my stupid interests), I'd point out parallels, because that is what an autistic girl does best. Amai has pigtails, straight yaoi, and emotional constipation (sorry)!. Josie is… like that! And I'm … Pocchi. ☆ ～('▽^人)

So, IN SHORT .. the Nichijou parallels are totally something I pushed just to force everyone to get along. It's like I microdosed them getting into a 'this-is-our-getalong-shirt'! And it worked. HA!!!!  This is something called ‘fictives’ that I don't feel like explaining so you can google it. (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b

Anyways. I guess technically, I'm Yuuko, but if you pointed at me and called me THE ABSOLUTE #1 REAL YUUKO FROM TV, I'd go.. “That's totally different!”. I'm a very complex human being with totally different experiences rofl. Even though I'm a fictive, I don't.. FEEL like a fictional character. I wouldn't want to be perceived as one.. I like to be associated with Yuuko, but I'm my own person outside of that, right? I'm a zoologist, I like my websites, I'm a cog in the capitalist machine.. la la la.. I'm me first and foremost, got it? Don't get it twisted!!! The others really don't like to be treated as if they are the characters you'd think they ‘are’, either. Its more of an identity latched onto as a point of comfort.. Like, growing plants on a statue or interesting brickwork and seeing what kind of strange shapes they take on. This will happen a lot in DID systems who took comfort in fictional media, celebrities, or even figures in their life during traumatic times. Even more so if you're autistic! So it was just a matter of ‘what show does pocchi like at age 8..’ Friends joke that if someone went back in time and moved a rock, we would've turned out to be the girls from Eizouken, or Yuyushiki, or Team Sonic, or Peter and Quagmire and Cleveland. I don't know.. that's scary..

So yeah, that's all I care to say today .. (ノωヽ) I kinda worry that people will think lesser of me for clarifying, but I don't really know why. It's a part of my life I'm not willing to hide again.. and like, I shouldn't worry, if someone doesn't believe me then perhaps they wouldn't have been a good fit in my life at all. It's sort of just discrediting my tough youth, in a sense. BUT!! I also have rejection sensitivity up the wazoo!! So I hope you'll support me. I hope this doesn't sound stupid or crazy or anything. In the event that it does, well .. I mean, this is my website? That's crazy .. I don't have to worry about stuff like that anymore. You will probably not hear from alters other than ME on this website.. because it's MY website!!!! (ﾉ´ з `)ノ But, I mention them sometimes, so I thought I should bring it up. Yeah I'm tired of typing. I watched Cars today it was fine i guess

i leave you with.. this incredible drawing my best friend Dormo did after we played Sky together! I'm done for real now ok. I .. forgot about the little text field experiment until just now, so.. the next blog post will DEFINITELY consist of me answering your questions and responding to whatever you had to say to me! some of them are really funny .. ╮(￣ω￣;)╭

M'kay, last trial run of this thing! Thanks for reading ..

Type in anything down below, anything at all.. the next blog post (FOR REAL I PROMISE I REALLY DO I PROMISE) will consist of me replying to them lolol (*ﾉ∀`*) ..

Currently listening to: My friend Ellie streaming A Short Hike for me...

Current mood: Friendship is a powerful thing. Spacehey Buddies, Ough Sensory, and GameCube buds.. I love you!!!