I'm flying and I'm nervous!!!

1/22/25

selamat pagiiii!!

Tomorrow I’m going flying on my own for the first time.. e.e and I’m nervous as all hell!!! Honestly, it may as well be tonight.. I’m not sleeping, cause I have to leave at 4 am. ｡°(°¯᷄◠¯᷅°)°｡ That’s crazy… Eeek….
 

It’s something I totally NEED to do though! -᷅ ⤙ -᷄ Like, get out on my own. If I never have the strength to do it, then what? I’ve been feeling really irritated and bored just being in my room all day for weeks on end. But leaving can cause me stress too, especially when it’s walking around the neighborhood.. (my neighborhood is pretty scary, crummy, and depressing as all hell to walk around in!) I don’t know how much of that is just anxiety, or the normal predisposed anxiety of being a weak disabled girl on her own. (´౪๏`)
Lately, I have been playing some new games like Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon and Moémon Star Emerald. But, I kind of hate playing GBA on my 3DS.. ( ¯-¯  ) Since I want to press the screen. It’s a bit hard in my hands to just freaking press buttons the whole time. But Moémon is super cute!! I like PSMD too! I’ll play them a lot when I’m on the plane.

But that reminds me, I also need.. to.. download.. a show to watch.. in this case... A Place Farther than the Universe!!!!!!!!! I have really been liking this show! ☆ ～('▽^人) It's about a girl who's tired of sort of aimlessly daydreaming through life, and she's finally ready to try something new. one day she even tries to skip school and go have some other adventure, but she gets startled and can't even muster the courage!! But one day she meets a girl her age who wants to just go to straight up ANTARCTICA! and with two other girls they meet along the way, they all go together.. they fly to Australia to catch the boat, and.. that's as far as I've gotten!

But so far, their mission to secure funds, the mundane but horrifying travel troubles they run into.. it just makes me feel a little braver. ( ˙༥˙ ) I feel really safe and confident watching it, so I decided I'll download the whole show to watch on my trip.
 

Now, it's time.. to talk about.. POCCHI'S FEELINGS!! (*ﾉ▽ﾉ) Yep, I bet you were so excited about this part! Well, anyway, I like to be open and honest most of all, cause I write for me first.. but, yeah. I'm nervous. Like, supa nervous. I kind of just wish I could curl up in bed and sleep in, and never do anything.. but I do that most days, and it feels terrible. Really, on weekdays, I wake up early to watch my sister, but that's as samey as it is wholesome.. I like to be with her, but my days.. they're all the same. They feel so boring, altough they are safe. (／。＼)
 

So, I always want to try to be more independent. When I first agreed to watch my baby sister, as the time to start crept closer, I'd get so anxious and think 'haha, I'm not seriously doing this, am I...? W..what if I just say no..? This is just way too much...!'... I even cried a ton the first time I tried to handle her. (ﾉ_ヽ) but, now it's just a basic everyday thing for me. I remember it cost me so much grief and panic, but actually, it took me so long to remember why I was even worried around that time in my life..

I was worried to go see my friend Insan's show, too.. (´-ω-`) I wanted to go badly, but when the day crept up on me, I was thinking the night before.. i dont wanna, i dont wanna, i dont wanna...! Knowing DEEP in my heart that staying home would just ruin my day and be a huge waste. Outside was scary, so I didn't want to go... But I DID! AND I HAD A BLAST! It was one of the coolest days ever! (* ^ ω ^) I thought I couldn't do it, but I could. But see, now as this flight creeps up, I feel a little nervous again. I just am a little shy, I guess. I'm scared about TSA, and finding my gate, and knowing what to do. And I'm nervous about planning my days, and knowing how to get home. I keep thinking, 'I wish I never bought those tickets, I could just curl up in my cozy and safe bed and stay there'... but the thought, it's depressing. To have never bought those tickets.. that's depressing! The only way to ease these fears is to go out and see it for myself. (＃`Д´)
 

Going out and doing special things sounds so fun, but maybe transit, anxieties, social skills, and such might worry you.. ~(>_<~) But we have to do these things to build up our skills. Independence is something you have to work really hard to get! And see, this is just me with chronic pain speaking, but it's like physical therapy. ( ˙༥˙ ) It hurts so bad, but it'll only hurt you more and more and push you into a deeper hole if you don't work through that discomfort and pain. No one likes to be uncomfortable. But when you push past it, it'll hurt less. Everything will be less scary...
 

So, I hope everything will be okay.. I am a little worried, I gotta ask for help putting my bags in the overhead since I'm disabled. But this might mean I get to go on the plane early. (*´﹃｀*) I got an invisible disability lanyard and luggage tag.. life can be okay, I think.

I will see you guys later!! ＼(＾▽＾)／ I love you so much! I'll try and keep posting on my status cafe while I'm travelling. And I bet I'll have so much fun, too! 

Currently listening to: The Forest of Hope (Dawn)

Current mood: I just wanna get it over with already!